For some of us who have been through unusual suffering in our early years, we can certainly be blind to how much of a problem this actually is. It becomes almost second nature to expect disappointment before the fact and evolve until cynicism is our lens through which we view the whole of  our life and relationships. These ones are the ones who’s pursuit of a greater quality of life has left them disillusioned and our cynicism becomes a protective guard against false hopes and disappointments. If I’m already discouraged before hand I won’t have to experience the pain of unmet expectations. This way of living can at times be quite obvious but for others, a harsh, depressed outlook on life is so normal that they know nothing else.

The elements which contribute to a critical spirit are actually multi-faceted. Previously we talked about how understanding God’s compassion toward us in the process of coming out of areas of weakness and habitual sin contributes to the liberty of the critical person. Now I want to talk about beginning to feel pain. For the critical person this is the beginning of feeling anything really, as they do not let there hopes up to often and at the same time avoid pain at all costs. For most of us we feel a little pain, though it may seem overwhelming at first.

But the truth is that even though we may experience some sadness and pain, it is a dull, lesser than experience. It isn’t full. We allow a little to trickle out here and there  but never touch the bottom of our pain. There is never one large moment of tears over the loss of unmet hopes, what God intended us to have in life, parts of us fractured because of another, or full awareness of the wound and perpetrator. The normal accusation against people who talk about their pain often is that they need to “Just forgive”. But this isn’t the problem. The problem is they have no one, no where, no courage and no idea how to get in touch with the pain. The reason they often reach out to others is because they need others. Venting sometimes can seem annoying to us and a downer. These types of people are, well, not the most enjoyable people to go to the zoo with.

The title of this blog is taking account. Which is court language for declaring guilty the offending party. Practically it simply looks like observing the wound and the wounder, declaring it  unjust. The simple reason we are critical is because we have an iceberg underneath our hearts of moments when we never fully and thoroughly took an account, though every one else listening to us may think so. But if you are still venting… you haven’t done this yet.

I want to approach this a little closer. venting is actually not, taking account. It is a plea. As well as a manifestation of self-hatred. We do not value ourselves, and the kicking and screaming after an offense is NOT because we believe we have value and believe what they did was wrong. It is because we believe we do NOT have value and we are yearning for someone to tell us what they did was wrong (because we don’t really believe it yet want to)  so that we can believe we mean something. We pull on others to tell us we have some value, and that that was not right; thus telling us that we are valuable people. Someone please tell me that was wrong! Someone please tell me I’m worth something more! So while taking account delivers us from a critical spirit toward life, it also is reconciliation with ourselves, telling ourselves you a worthy person and what they did to you really mattered. Thus turning this person away and accusing them of bitterness says, “Your accusations in your mind are right, it didn’t matter, just get over it”.

I actually believe in venting, If your my friend, you know this. But for the wounded, this is a call to take responsibility for your wounds. It means we have to be focused and systematic in releasing the years of pain from our hearts. We make a sacred space and carve our  time where we are going to let the Spirit of Christ bring up into our conscious awareness suppressed pain and begin to feel. As well as forming a group of a few friends to actually talk to you about the pain, who will legitimize it, apologize for it, and not accuse the opening of your heart. Ones who will tell you, you are more valuable than what happened and will waste their time on you, mourning with those who mourn.

For me being a man and just being myself I tend to suppress pain rather than deal with it until it “hits empty”. I am one of those ones who vent around and let it trickle out here and there but never dump out. What this means for me is that I stop letting it “trickle out” through various conversations here and there to various people and get a plan to fully dump it out with a few. Dealing with suppressed pain is more difficult though. This is because you never know when you will really feel it deeply, and you normally need a trigger. Which means this process will interrupt YOUR life and the lives of the people around you. I normally have a journal in my backpack and stop whatever I’m doing when I start to feel pain deeply. If it isn’t deeply felt I will let myself feel it but won’t deal as intentionally with it. These moments are portals of freedom. Pick a couple friends to rotate with when it starts to come up, though I do not always go to others. Now becomes the lifestyle of experiencing your pain.

Journaling must be explicit and honest and violent. I cannot be plastic christian.We need to get in touch with what needs to be forgiven, what has hurt us, in order to not let it become a source of deep ongoing distress. We must begin to feel the heart’s legitimate response to the wounding. God wants us to get in touch with with our emotional reactions to those who have hurt us and honestly offer up those hurts to him. Our God is a God of truth and light, not of the darkness of denial. It has to be raw and real or this will not work. But over times long and small you will begin to “dump it all out”.

The light at the end of the tunnel, the reward for all of this is beautiful. A heart still tender after years, and a life full of joy, meaningful relationships, and the strength to walk the sermon on the mount. For some in the prayer movement they hear the call to wholehearted and shrink back. We hear the call for fasting, prayer, study of the word, and radical lifestyles of obedience and long for it. But  actually have no ability to do it and often hate ourselves for this. And like I said previously Jesus has compassion for these ones. Because the reason they can’t is not because they are rebellious, hypocritical, or lazy even though that is what they think. The reason is because of the abnormal amounts of pain inside which block motivation to do anything but get by. Yes, they literally can’t.

Thus the fruit of releasing your pain is the increase of joy, motivation in life, and a clean atmosphere in you mind and heart to actually pray. To actually do your schedule. to actually read your bible. It is a beautiful thing when you stop hating your self for your inability to do these things because of the overwhelming pain (which you hate yourself for having), pour it out at a steady pace, and begin to be empowered in you whole life. Strength comes back in again, and hope resurges. In conclusion: Take account for what has been stolen from you and your broken image.

Take aways:

1. Stop reading the bible if you start to get triggered, give yourself to the moment, don’t talk immediately, breath, and then journal

2. Get three trusted, safe friends: to reach out to who understand you need in this time. Vent in a semi-controlled way, cry, silence

3. Start with your parents: this is a deep well of pain form most, when this is released you will be dramatically empowered.

4. avoid striving: if you feel pain give yourself to it but if your heart isn’t getting triggered do not try to meditate on pain to get it to.

Learning to take our pain to others, and truly feel it is an art worth learning and making mistakes. Next we will talk about forgiveness and how these empower us to be free from judgment.

…a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing. Ecclesiastes 3:4

Before tackling the role of distance in relationships, as usual, I want to point out that distance serves closeness. It is not It’s enemy. For a generation hungry for affection and intimacy in the world, we can almost get angry at this subject if we are honest. Like I said, separation is not an end in and of itself. The story of the Bible is the story of the reconciliation of unsafe relationship and the ultimate destruction of  distance. But in this world distance actually preserves our relationships. This is because, in my opinion, the sin of the ignorance of beauty  stands as our enemy. Beauty becomes dull and unexciting without distance because of the present age blinding our vision over time. Solitude is a helpful answer to today, but not the end of the problem.

we can safely say that in the western culture of the last few decades the value of coming together, living together, and loving together has received more attention than ever before. The healing power of eye contact, of attentive listening, and of the careful touch has been explored by many psychologists, sensitivity trainers, and communication experts… Many, many people suffering from feelings of isolation, alienation, or loneliness find new hope and strength in these experiments in togetherness. [This is] enough to convince a sympathetic observer that a deep need is being responded to. We need each other and are able to give each other much more than we often realize. Too often we have been burdened by fear and guilt, and too long have we denied each other the affection and closeness we rightly desire… Henri Nouwen, Clowning In rome.

When we have discovered a relationship that is somewhat fulfilling, we often end up damaging it when we over use it. We get over excited and realize that it runs out. The real joy and love we received stops giving. Though Our solitude can be in prayer, I am touching a different point. Physical separation does serve a purpose different from cultivating our relationships with God. Having a deep prayer life is assumed throughout all of these posts on community.

I am saying that even when our prayer lives our vibrant, there is still a graying in our minds eye regarding the glory of these close friends and family needing physical separation to thus appreciate once more. This means simply cultivating multiple close relationships in which to draw from. There are times in one relationship where you may be giving more, thus you sill need to be receiving in another. when we receive from the community at large it keeps us from getting angry and frustrated when one person cannot give it all to us.

You know when a friendship is needing space when the feelings of familiarity come in, wonder begins to leave, and resentment starts it’s take over. You now know that you are no longer loving, which is the message of Christianity. You know when you are committing idolatry when you get angry at your idol for not giving you what you want. It has become sinful. I am not saying separation in the sense of months, but that when you start to feel the familiarity set in two things need to take place. Meditation and space. Sometimes for me this practically looks like refraining from contact a few days. This is not a official announced thing but happens naturally as both parties feel it out and ebb and flow with it.

Thus space actually serves togetherness and love. In order to love well we must become Resoviours already full and vibrant, ready to give. We have received from God, other relationships, and attained grounding in ourselves through momentary space. We keep love alive when we keep the person’s beauty alive in our hearts. thus all of our relationships become appointments to give. God weeps when we do not receive what we need from others in the meantime. and we continue to give from the place of prayer alone until we receive again and can give in an even greater zeal and ease.

One of the most distinguished marks of Christian relationships is the absence of manipulation, the presence of delayed gratification. You know when you truly love someone when your willing to wait for their response. Consequently you know when you really love a friendship when you are willing to let it develop and come alive. That is not to say that there is no moments of intentionality, nor is it to say that waiting is a passive stance. You are waiting, Intentionally.

Sometime we may feel the need to “do” something. There are times for moments where the spirit of the relationship radically changes because of a time of doing maintenance. But more than not, we learn as Christians to “love” others into changing, more than hyper-active confrontation. That is through intentional affirmation. The fastest way to motivate a relationship to change is through finding those areas of righteous desire and change and calling them out into the light one by one.

We want all of our relationships to go perfect. We want nothing unexpected, nothing painful, and we want to gain from relationships, now. We don’t think this way of motivating others would truly work, we have no hope for the future. Thus we must take our relationships into our own hands in a dangerous way. There is no hope for us in God and we must ourselves change everything or it will not get done. WIthin all of this we have to remember that selfishness in the way we think of the word is actually okay. It is okay to desire good for oneself. This shame must be destroyed, it is only the harnessing and directing of this potential energy to it’s proper home. That is this: If you want the quality of the relationship to move forward – encourage specific areas of character development.

Each one of us is afraid. We are all terribly afraid of being hurt again, trust being broken again, and hopes shattered again. In all of our fear we can develop ways of coping and keeping from pain that are devastating to ourselves and even harmful to those around us. Attempting to control our relationships actually removes dignity and assurance from us rather than the opposite, which we are hoping to gain. We are hoping to finally gain some rest and peace on the inside. That we will one day feel home somewhere, with others, deep interior acceptance. Again God validates this longing. This is the difference between christian love and non-christian love. Pagans take and Christians wait. the truth is we will never be able to know the exact response of another every minute of the day. So we might as well leave our relational anxiety complex, fears of rejection, and paranoia behind.

The friend of manipulation is relational anxiety. The constant need to figure out what someone is thinking regarding you every second. Not trusting ones words, as if you could control if they were lying anyway, we develop habits of analyzing peoples every move. That funny thing is they are doing it at the same time so they cannot possibly be thinking about you. We want to steadily come off and away from this into what is actually happening in the conversation. Believe  they like you and think about what is going on with someone other than yourself! Yes, christian love is literally leaving every bit of desire to control your relationships at the cross to breath its last breathe. Begin to live in the Kingdom of God where our concern is for others.

Perusing relationships must be held with an open hand. To be honest, we all love these people. We feel free to come and go as we please until ultimately we fall in love them and stay longer each, voluntarily sharing more of our lives with them. These are clean, safe, enjoyable people, whom, if they continue this way, are gold. To be envied. To be desired. And when we ourselves become these people, we actually become people with dignity and honor. We ourselves actually become to be envied socially but in the reality of who we are over time. Leaving manipulation behind restores our dignity and confidence in ourselves, and we begin to pursue people with like minds and like boundaries. The transformation of a disciple of Jesus can be pictured as a man or woman free from controlling others, released to give freely and take in due time.

And he allowed no one to follow him except Peter and James and John the brother of James. Mark 5:37

Everyone of us, if he is to experience fullness of joy  in this life has to have a certain quality of intimacy with others. The reservoirs deep in our hearts can only be touched by certain people and it is these places, that when touched, produce the true satisfaction in others that we need. Our deepest and truest affirmation only comes from those closest to us. This is a frightening statement if your thinking. It means in order to be happy, we must be vulnerable. Chance becoming less happy. In fact chance being rejected again, mocked again, or feeling unloved again. But love is how humanity opens itself to experience eternal life. and the command to love is truly the command to stay open, again, and again to others and the world around you.

And as he sat on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter and James and John and Andrew asked him privately… Mark 13:3

And when he came to the house, he allowed no one to enter with him, except Peter and John and James, and the father and mother of the child… Luke 8:51

Peter, james, and john are seen repeatedly through the gospel as the closest disciples to Jesus. It was here that he shared his desire for intimacy and friendship as a man. The picture here is breathtaking when you think of it. God has decended and become flesh with the same needs of flesh. food, drink, and now, other human relationships. Jesus never married anyone, yet fulfilled his need of intimacy with those around him. Jesus the God-man stands as the ultimate overwhelming witness that humanity needs itself. The first intentional thing  anyone must do to find love is, like Jesus, find a few men and women and share your life with them. Your thoughts, your feelings, your fears, your prayers, your insights, your food, your drink, the depths of who you are.

I want you to see Jesus as a man here. Gaze upon holy writ but see the God who is man. There was no mystical reason Jesus in select occasion decided to bring these 3 with into some of the most sacred moments of his life. It’s not esoteric, he liked them. They were nearest and dearest to Him. He too wanted to be alone with His loved ones. In the sacred and the ordinary. He loved them, and he let their love touch him. Yes, the Creator God needed them.

My exhortation to you is to peruse love by intentionally forming your inner circle as the first goal. We can all do this like Jesus, just pick them! I find this so simple it is invigorating. Go on a date with the same gender. Yes, I said it. Find a few that you think you would enjoy and try making some friends. Ask them out for coffee, lunch, ect. But get them alone with you and see if you fit.

Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Romans 12:16

But how and whom did Jesus decide? Notice the ones he picks, because the criteria is still the same today. It was not the most popular. It was not the great ones, by the culture’s status. It was the bottom. This is an extremely important point. The deepest affirmation we recieve does not primarily come from those who rank high on the social org chart. When over and over we deceive ourselves that when that guy or gal takes notice of me, I will be fulfilled, there are men and women dieing to draw near to you and who truly see the beauty of who you are. It was these who Jesus really wanted to surround himself with. One sure sign of maturity  is the resigning from the need to be noticed by those on the top to be content with, appreciate, and love deeply the ones who really love you at the bottom.

While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. 48 But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

Paul’s exhortation and Jesus’ example both say look low. It is normally where the most Holy are. And it’s these that you want. These are the faithful, lowly ones. But there are other benefactors in Jesus’ decision besides choosing friends from the bottom of society lest we think choosing unhealthy people to confide in is our wisest choice. The two areas I want to touch are mutual enjoyment and mutual empathy.

And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them… Mark 9:2

I take this as moment of fun for Jesus. The phrase, “he took with him peter james and john” tell me he simply wanted to blow their mind! Imagine the sheer joy of Jesus in showing His friends His eternal glory! Met by Moses and Elijah and the audible voice of the father, It definitely worked! Why did He want to bring them with Him? In my opinion there is no reason. He had an emotional connection with them and wanted to bring them along! Why do we think that Jesus has no emotional connection with anyone? not even his disciples? So the first key in choosing you friends is mutual enjoyment. You both have to like each other…allot. It has to be easy to have fun, and there must be mutual initiation to have it.

And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. Mark 14:33

So here we are again with Jesus and the twelve. The living word of God again to us, speaking through his every action the nature of God and true humanity. He weeps. sorrowful for the experience to be had in just one short hour, he clings to that which brings his soul most comfort, His Father and His friends. I won’t comment on the failure of his friends. The concept we want to draw out here is that he needed them…desperately. Oh The wound of jesus at His agony when His friends could not but “tarry with but one hour”. This next point is important, Mutual empathy must mark every interpersonal relationship. There must be time for both to suffer with the other with willing ready hearts (on an average basis).

To summarize, the christians way of getting love comes primarily through interpersonal relationships. The best way to love other is to be first filled. We receive this inpouring through a few (more than one)  deep level friendships and a vibrant relationship with God. This is also the only way to experience true happiness, if you have this wherever you are, you have the power to be content whatever your occupation may be. The way we attain  these friends is by looking lower socially, and intentionally planing time with them. We decide if it is fruitful by mutual enjoyment and mutual empathy over time.

What does it mean to be needy? What does it mean to be alone? What do we really want from others, and how can we get it? Discovering our need to be loved by humanity is, for most of us, extremely daunting. This is because it involves the voluntary response of another at your beauty. Something you really cannot control. The need to feel accepted and affirmed is a legitimate need as I have recently poured forth in this series on community. But most live with a vacuum of deep and repressed loneliness. My gospel to you today is that this is seriously unnecessary.

My quest in this short article is to attempt to give my shot at the expensive question: what is Love? With so many people coming out now with  varieties of answers I am attempting to give my own. I specifically want to draw attention to the recent fad among evangelicals to say that love is choice. A commitment. Love is a promise to do things widely accepted as “loving”. This has been the answer most of our marriage counselors to the 50% divorce rate existing within the body of Christ. Men and women simply have no value for faithfulness or loyalty in relationships. This is a great observation and it must be addressed but i would have to disagree with this approach. It seems I hear this secret cry with little resolution across the western church, “just whatever you do, DO NOT get divorced”. It simply exemplifies the fact we have no idea what love is.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned,1 but have not love, I gain nothing.

1 corinthians 13 has largely been misinterpreted across the body of Christ. It is normally used to say that love is actions or  virtues. Although, if we start from the top of the chapter we see this view as deeply condemned. Here Paul tells the church of corinthians that love, in itself, is not your actions. In fact it is possible to give of yourself to the last ounce, and not have love! This is because love is a strong emotion and a delighting in another person. You Must feel for one another. You must delight in each other, you must gain pleasure from being with each other. If you do not, you actually need to repent.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

It’s ironic that paul gives a list of virtuous acts that you can do without love, and then re-presents them to us again, while telling you to do them! So what does this mean? Staying consistent with my definition of love I want to point out that this passage is not meant to be a comprehensive definition of love. It is the fruit of love. It is what it looks like. Not love itself. It is a list of what someone who is in love does. Love is the pre-requisite of these actions, not the actions in themselves.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:12-13

Draw near to Jesus, hear his gracious words. Here even He is differentiating between possessing love (the affinity toward another) and an action. The love one possesses (passion) leads them to allow their life to be taken for the well being of the one loved. The laying down of some ones life is not the love, but the result or reaction of it.

Lets remember again why I am writing this. Today in the church there is this popular statement, “it is not about emotions”. This I am afraid is exactly opposite of what our Lord is speaking to us. Emotions Do matter. Not only do they matter, they are necessary to be a christian. and this error has not gone without it’s price. Ironically what it was meant to do is cause us to be consistent in our life in God regardless of feeling, but what is has accomplished is caused desires for “other things” to super-cede our passion for Christ and feel justified in doing so.

Going back to john, why do you think he uses this language? Why the word love, if it is not about emotion? Why not, “serve your neighbor, or treat you neighbor as yourself”? Yes, God commands an emotional involvement  and response to those around you. This is what makes Christianity so different. Every pagan people group knows how to treat one another (as did the pharisees) to some degree. These are called “manners”. What makes us different is that by the power of God we experience such an internal joy and strength and divine infusion that have the potential to feel and feel deeply even for our enemies! Oh, if we would see how far His grace would take us! How much transformation can we afford! This is the glory of the regeneration.

Why don’t we like this take on love though? Why do we cling so tightly do it? It is because it takes almost no grace to perform the externals. The external changes are doable without divine grace, says John Piper. Can you imagine communities of Christians who intentionally persue having  deep affection for one another has a primary expression of their faith? This is God’s vision for the church. Happy, vibrant, affection, on fire relationships.

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 1 Peter 1:22

Practically how do we receive love from one another? We all know the bible is full of the offensive command to feel and administer love to our brother. But as we have seen, this command infers a need in humanity for mutual love. So the bible says to love generously and sacrificially… but what about us? I am starting to hit a tension in the soul of everyone of us. This tension is about when we need to stand up for ourselves and when not to in relationships. Because we need love from God and others in order to give to others; we need to cultivate mutually giving relationships.

Christianity is indeed a call to love sacrificially and self-lessly. But in order for this to happen we need a few homes in our lives where we can rest. In other words, a handful of people who actively reach out in love and affirmation to you intentionally. I am actually drawing a line right now between love and friendship. This is where this little series will take a turn. I am now setting a context to where christians receive love: Friendship. Love is not weak. It doesn’t dump itself out over every street. It gives of itself, yes, but to share our deepest struggles and fears is for somewhere else. I may love my enemies, but to confide in them would be foolish. For my enemies to be my main source of human affection is ridiculous, it’s a miscarriage of hope waiting to happen.

In addressing the subject of community, one will come up against this obvious predicament. Our mind can only contain one focus at a time. The Bible clearly calls us to one another. But Im sorry, you can’t be thinking about Jesus in the same moment that you focus on another. Thus there is always a tension in the sould between the two.

This tension however does not infer that allowing your heart to fully enjoy another human being or created thing gets in the way of God. As if these were opposing one another. Actually biblically it leads you to Him and He will lead you to them. He intends on marrying humanity to one another as He prays still today that we would be one as He is with Himself. He prayed In john 17 that the divine community of love fluent in the trinity, would break out and enflame the hearts of human beings for one another. This enjoying would reflect the delight god has in himself. This self-giving would reflect the relationship He has to His father and best man. Jesus speaks that the command to love Him and the one near you are similar each other; that they compliment one another wonderfully. Harmony of the soul with God and man. God wanted a family in which we would simultaneously enjoy him and our wonderful counterparts.

unfortunately the sad present state of humanity exemplifies a dramatic hindrance in His plan. The human soul broken through sin, distorts true beauty. Forgetting God in our relationships becomes a context where we can take from one another as much as we want for the sole purpose of feeling something. It was when adam and eve took their relationship outside the garden, that all the fascination previously found in one another became strikingly less beautiful, the fragrant colors faded into depressing shades of gray, and all previous sources of love become increasingly futile.

What was garden life like? God walks with Adam with eve, while adam and eve enjoy fulfillment in each other. But when communion with God was lost, relational brokenness became the new norm of the human experience. We must understand that a return to God is a return to one another. When we come back to God, our perception of beauty, ability to laugh, empathize, and enjoy become enlarged. And the ability to wait for our own personal gratification in friendship increases. With God our relationships become more than give me, and give me now. They become powerful sources of life and fulfillment. I promise you, the more you like God the more you will like creation.

Here in our desperate state, we reach into others to a depth that desecrates the relationship. In reaching for more we can give, we create an atmosphere of anger, reluctance, distance, and resentment. When we allow our relationships to continue without a space for God, then delayed gratification, patience, and perseverance in relationships becomes slim to none. This is when love is destroyed and no longer can it be deemed love. We cannot wait for the response of the other, always attempting to control and violently extract from others the love we need.

The effect that  times of solitude and communion with God have upon our dearest friendships is beautiful. When the cavity in our heart that is designed for God is filled in a substantial way, we are able to endure the pain of love not given. We are able to wait for the flower of another’s heart to open to us. And enjoy the wait. So the dance between God and our neighbor is a tandem of vibrant syncretism.

True greatness. what is God looking for, and what will he really reward? What does He want? What does He truly care about ultimately.What most don’t like to look at  is that their prayer lives are unto something. the point of Christianity. How do I become “on fire”, “wholehearted”, or “passionate for Jesus”? When we find out the answer to that question most of us delve into severe disillusionment . Because what we have been pursuing most of our lives has not been God’s definition of successful christianity. Nor what hes wanted of us. What we really have been producing have been what we always used to pursue only now under the shadow of the church steeple. Power, reputation, popularity, attention, or to look like or sound like “that guy”.

The message of treating our neighbor in mercy and patience is not very popular or exciting. Namely because it doesn’t do anything for us.Though when we look at the saints of old deemed mystics, we see that their definition of being a person on fire was true virtue. Fr. Thomas dubay calls this “heroic Holiness”. We have a portion of his will, which is prayer, but have yet to travel into the corridors of mature Christianity. Typified as virtue. This subsequently leaves you at a very shallow valley in prayer.

One of the most convenient and neglected portions of scripture i find are those times where the inspired writer pens exactly how to do this! Colossians 3 is one of these simple “how to’s”. I proceed therefore in were I left off. Pauls goal is to give a brief character sketch of this kind of person who is truely, godly, virtuous, and on fire. what he truely died

Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry…

Notice most of these things are sins against neighbor. God cares deeply that we care deeply for one another. The resistance of all immorality is shown to be a major mark of christianity. expressing sexuality with another in anyway outside of the covenant of marriage. This is the dishonoring and exploitation of another. uncleanness in greek can be synonymous with a lifestyle of lust. Consistently allowing eyes and mind to inordinate desires. Inordinate affection is characterized by all negative emotions toward others around you. Evil concupiscence, dark strong sexual passions and covetousness which is idolatry. Desiring another’s reputation, position, ect. Not rejoicing in their good, but wishing to take what is theirs from them. All of these different ways of taking from others are to violently stripped from our minds and hearts. How to love your neighbor well is defined by God as radically purging the following from your experience:

Fornication: Sex without faithfulness

Uncleanness: A life of lewdness and lust. Unrestrained eyes and imagination. defiling another.

negative emotions: negative attitudes or emotions toward another often linked to wishing evil on another

Evil concupiscence: Strong dark sexual/sensual desire for another. often linked to exploitation in the mind and heart of another.

Covetousness/idolatry: idolizing someone else’s life, reputation, possessions, friends, wishing you had them and they did not.

To do this is to be called “on fire”, “mature”, and a Christian. I will continue to discuss how much healthy, deep community was important to paul and the Holy Spirit today. This is normally not our focus or at least it is not primary as it is to God, who cares for us to obtain healthy, fulfilling, loving, relationships with one another in the church.

The manifestation of our unrelenting focus on Christ will show itself authentic when we give birth to  the same passion that the Christ so fiercely impressed upon the early apostles. That being a real, authentic, generous, humble, persevering lifestyle of love, for the ones near you. This mode of spirituality is the only one that can profoundly satisfy God’s heart for your life. Mike bickle, the directer of the house of prayer here, always says that there are those types of people who love to go to the prayer room but do not like to resist sin or pay attention to the hard relationships in their lives. They love worship. They love to “sit at his feet”, but when it comes to deep, lasting, vibrant relationships they prove bankrupt.

And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him. Colossians 1:21

This is the end of Paul’s discourse on the plan of the Father for Christ to preeminent in all the globe. The cross would accomplish this and we would be heirs of the coming age ahead of time as living and breathing fruits of this new race of humanity. Here paul gives a talk on what one looks like in his personal life pre-Christ. That is hostile or violent in our minds, doing evil things. It is important to remember here to define what sin is.

Sin to God is not metaphysical. Meaning It is not some esoteric substance in the spirit which you can reach out and grab “in the spirit” or that oppresses the earth as some blob in the spirit that corrupts society. Biblically sin is the transgression of the law of God. It is something that you do, It is not an object. So when God talks about removing sin, he means putting a holy halt on actual individual acts of injustice. Specific instances of violating love which our lives had an abundance of and that defined us as children of wrath. Not removing something gas spiritual  from the atmosphere.

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him…in him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. Colossians 2:6-12

This is life in the spirit, the results of our conversion and lives of Christians are first and foremost characterized by new ways and attitudes of our hearts toward others. This is called love. the Attitude of  our  heart as well as a thoroughly different way of treating others who don’t give us immediate gratification.

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  4 When Christ who is your1 life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:1-4

The christian life then reveals itself to be a overall turning of perspective from earth to heaven. A violent turning from the present state of this decaying creation, toward the hope giving future of the new creation. What happens when you get saved is that you cease to live in the old light of the union to the first adam.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices   and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Colossians 3:5-8